Sunday, 12 February 2012

Houston - We Have A Problem...

This morning I awoke to the news that pipe licking 80's superstar Whitney Houston had died. In fact, when I posted a Facebook status mentioning the above, my friend Tina called me and asked:

'What's crack got to do, got to do with it?'

Unfortunately, Tina- a great deal.

In emotional scenes outside the Beverly Hills Hilton, where the body of the songstress was discovered at 4pm local time, many people were seen in floods of tears, claiming how much she touched their lives and how sorely she'll be missed.

Well, mainly the crack serving community of Los Angeles and her newsagent, who had ticked her 800 cans of Red Bull.

Initial reports described Houston was found in her hotel bathtub with prescription sleeping pills nearby. However, later information came to light she had actually drowned after underestimating the true power of Matey bubble bath, which consumed her in millions of soft, fruity fragranced bubbles.

The entertainment industry is in mourning for the adored music legend, with actor Charlie Sheen being one of the first make a tribute:

'Boom, crush. Night, losers. Winning, duh. It's a big shock, obviously.' he stuttered.

'She was a great friend and a talented smoker. Wow, that woman could melt some stones. I remember she used to call me in the middle of the night and say "Oh, I wanna smoke with somebody. I want to feel the pipe heat with somebody. Yeah, I wanna smoke with somebody, somebody that can keep up with me". Then we'd be on the gear for days'.

As well as her music, which earned six Grammy awards and 22 American Music awards, Houston had success in Hollywood, most famously with the 1994 smash hit film The Bodyguard and also 1995's Waiting to Exhale.

The latter aptly named after Houston's apparent inability to understand the rules of the 90's smoking game 'Taxi', which lead to her slamming mammoth tokes that she kept inhaled for up to 7 or 8 days- ultimately forming the core of her insatiable crack appetite.

Needless to say, Whitney Houston's memory will live on in all our hearts.

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