Wednesday, 13 February 2013

I'm An Angry Man...

Welcome back. This may well come as somewhat of a surprise to those shit givers religiously patient enough to wait for this to appear. Sorry about that, I've been busy being angry and generally accumulating a bitterness worthy of putting into text and sharing with the world. So here it is...

Let me share with you a smidgen of the things that have got on my nerves of late:

LIVID about the lack of Tesco own brand nicotine lozenges in stores local to my home and work. These retail pirates have been too busy pissing around with Black Beauty hamburgers to notice that their shelves are not lovingly stocked with the only thing that stops me from dropping a nuke on humanity. I haven't had access to my beloved snus for many moons and these little mints of glory grip me like a vice. Without them I become rapidly volatile. Fortunately for society, I have managed to acquire some by selling index fingers to a Zambian witch doctor. A close escape for Earth, congrats.

FURIOUS with the Galaxy Tab 2.0 for its lack of fluidity in typing ANYTHING. I feel like a dyslexic (sorry, tough word if you are) reading the Financial Times. I'm more than a little convinced that Kim Jong Un's recent long range missile test was really intended to send a message to the people at Samsung HQ over the fence after he lost patience with the same device. When they were thieving every half decent feature from Apple, they could have at the very least moved to acquire the typing function. You can be sure as Jimmy Savile liked a tracksuit and a fondle I'm not writing this on that bastard machine. It may be good for candy crush, but that's no excuse.

INCANDESCENT with rage at that band of fuckwits, my "rush" hour arch nemeses- Southeastern Railways. I despise this company, their management, employees and even their logo. I would genuinely get to work faster if I rode this zebra:

They deserve to be lined up, set on fire then thrown into a forest of stinging nettles. What an absolute disgrace to public transport. To think that they have recently cranked up their prices too? The Fat Controller would be sacked and imprisoned for negligence if he ran a railway this bad on the Island of Sodor. My three hour commute to work during the snow last month is an entirely separate rant deserving of its own blog post - and I've still not calmed down enough to write it.

Anyway, there's your smidgen. It's late and I quite frankly can't be arsed to type anything else, though I will be back soon.